Grieving on Mother's Day
Grieving on Mother's Day
Mother's Day is a cause for celebration, a chance to honor the mom's in our lives, and a chance to be honored ourselves. However, I have noticed over the years, that Mother's Day can be a complicated holiday. For those who have lost their mothers, have lost a child, have miscarried, have fertility issues or have a complex relationship with their own mother this day might be filled with anger, sadness, grief and loss. I thought maybe it might be beneficial to focus on the grief of missing someone and ways to address that pain of loss through self care.
My Grief
For the last few weeks I have been anticipating Mother's Day with a bit of dread. While I am fortunate to be a mother of two, it is my first Mother's Day without my mom. Mother's Day doesn't feel...well...happy. I know it will be a good day with my kids, but also a sad day for me. As I have been trying to plan a family activity to do with my kids on the special day and all the while what is steadily growing is what is no longer present in my life. As the day approaches, I look at the aisle of Mother's Day Cards with longing and part of me has wanted to buy the card anyway. My imagination gets the better of me. Buy the flowers. Show up at the house with the flowers and the card and somehow... I will her back to life. There she is, she's smiling at me. She's younger and free from all that ailed her. I want her to be there. I need her to be there. I miss her so much it hurts.
And there is that familiar pain again. You know the one. The deep pain of grief. That pain that hits in waves. You are one moment fine and the next moment a hot mess. That pain that no one wants to feel, no one wants to talk about. The pain that comes on ordinary days and special days. The pain you may be carrying around with you while shopping for groceries, while at work, while caring for others.
Self care for grief and loss
If you are carrying grief right now, don't be afraid to feel this grief fully. This is part of grief, to feel it in your body, to sit with it, to notice it. And then care for yourself. Caring for yourself can look like:
Self Compassion can help soothe the pain of grief. Try it, place a hand on your heart, speak to yourself with kindness, what your heart needs to hear, as you would a good friend. "This really hurts", "I'm sorry you are in such pain." "She loved you so much."
Movement. I know I talk about walking a lot, but it's a truly soothing activity that most people can do. Find an activity that you like and can do daily and make it your priority. Bonus if it gets you outside.
Sleep. Allow yourself to sleep. Try to get into a regular routine for both sleep and awakening.
The book: A Little Book of Self-Care for Those Who Grieve by Paula Becker This little gem of a book can be read in any order at any time. It allows any emotion to be there. It reminds you to simply breathe.
Talking about grief. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross said in her groundbreaking work on death and dying,"Grief shared is grief abated". Talking about loss allows the grief to gradually release it's hold on you.
Spending time with family, friends, your dog or cat. Their presence can be healing.
Special days, birthdays, and holidays. Lighting a candle or having a special object present or having an empty seat at the table all are ways to represent the loss of your loved one.
Grief - You Are Not Alone
We live in a culture that doesn't talk about death and dying, yet a common theme with my patients and my coaching clients is grief and loss.
You are not alone.
I'm curious how this message lands for you. Are you coping with a loss of someone? Are you having mixed emotions about Mother's Day? Do you have self care tips of your own that you would like to share? Send me a message and let me know how you are doing.
Wellness Coaching
Are you ready for change?
Whatever your wellness or life goals may be, you don’t have to figure it out alone.
I offer a supportive, personalized space to help you move forward with clarity and compassion.
If you’re curious about working together, I invite you to schedule a free Coaching Session session.
With love,
Lisa
Compassion Within Coaching
https://www.compassionwithincoaching.com/